Post - Matt Storrs (@mtstorrs)

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Matt Storrs


Humor Person

Host - MATTSPLAINING (podcast), How Was It (storytelling), and Leap of Faith (improvised stand-up) Creator - Portly Lutheran Know-It-All

20 Posts

  1. You put on a light jacket. In one pocket, $20. In the other? Two edibles. A delightful dressing experience.
  2. If it quacks like a duck, acts like a duck, and walks like a duck, it must be a duck. But I think that's re-duck-tive.
  3. The real reason for the Bed, Bath, and Beyond bankruptcy? The shift to beyond meat was ill-advised.
  4. I know it’s Spring because I went out yesterday and in a group of 10 people there were four pairs of white shoes. This is definitive proof.
  5. For years I confused “tidbit” and “snippet” creating my own word “snidbit.” Though I accept that I was wrong, I still think snidbit should be a word.
  6. Everyone be careful around men in togas today please
  7. 65 is certainly a movie with Adam Driver and “dinosaurs.”
  8. The biggest letdown with weed being legal in New York is that there’s only a CBD store at the base of the Margaritaville Hotel and restaurant. That's a huge missed opportunity.
  9. The real reason that Tennessee wants to ban drag queens is that they know Nashville can't compete with their talent.
  10. To my neighbor that ordered a Fresh Direct alcohol delivery at 830 am for the Super Bowl party only to not answer their phone so the delivery guy had to knock on my window, I'm coming to your Super Bowl party. I consider this an invitation.
  11. Walking into your house and immediately saying “Hey Google” to assert my dominance.
  12. You use Net Zero email? That’s like doing your taxes with an abacus.
  13. I came here to do two things: hyper-fixate and chew bubblegum. You see the interesting thing about chewing bubblegum is…
  14. The recession is so bad that Spatula City plans to start selling whisks
  15. My favorite Nike athlete is Sir Ulrich von Liechtenstein
  16. What are things you feel earn you points as a “New Yorker?” Also, how many points do you earn for doing that thing?
  17. Call me Creature, Frankenstein is my father’s name.
  18. 2022 in review

    In 2022, I saved a two dozen people from a burning building. I made honey and extracts that have cured multiple ailments. I answered the wizard’s riddle correctly, but at what price?! I met great people
  19. Do you ever think capital F ever gets jealous of capital E for the extra line it has?
  20. What would you pick?

    $1,000 today or a penny today and double it every day for 30 days? But add that with the penny option you can't have access to food, water, or shelter until you can pay for it or find it. What do you

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