Post - Cliff Schoenberg (@cliff)

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Cliff Schoenberg


Comedy wroter

Ding Dong, TX

I've been a writer for David Letterman, Jon Stewart, Zach Galifianakis, Bill Maher and Dennis Miller. Lot of good it's done me.

49 Posts

  1. What do dogs drink in France? Eau de toilette.
  2. The mark of truly authentic tequila is George Clooney.
  3. Even in court, he just watches TV all day
  4. This lectern just cost me $19,000 at Newark Airport. This is why Americans think the economy is terrible.
  5. I figured I’d clear some space in the fridge by eating the last dill pickle in the pickle jar, but after I took it out of the fridge, opened the jar and took the pickle, I saw there was still another
  6. The best gift I got this year was the OXO Smart Potato Peeler that is internet-enabled. It comes with an app so that when I’m twenty minutes from home I can start it and it’s ready when I arrive!
  8. I’m excited to see the movie where the guy rides the giant mosquito.
  9. The restaurant near me discovered fusion years ago.
  10. I feel like I know what could have saved FTX. A comb.
  11. Matthew Perry spent more money on rehab than Elon Musk spent on Twitter.
  12. I think Gandhi’s 15 minutes of fame are up.
  13. I’ll bet Andrew WK has a couple of kids now and works for Aetna.
  14. Sometimes I see a giant house but giants are fictional so who could it be for?
  15. Portmanteaus drive me cruts.
  16. Are there any flavors of Gatorade that nobody buys?
  17. Saw a woman walking in Santa Monica today who didn’t have a yoga mat slung over her shoulder.
  18. Hey webpage, stop moving when I’m trying to click you.
  19. They can put a man on the moon but they can’t get people to stop using clichés.
  20. Sometimes it feels like I’m wearing a baseball cap but I’m not.

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